All I've got tonight is the jitterbugs! I'm dreading the injection tomorrow (they're trying a different location), especially since I was told after the LAST shot that it was the last one they'd do.
I'm so pumped on steroids I should be able to move the monster tree limbs that fell in the yard...instead, I got super sore from holding a friends baby tonight.
Also, I'm praying for this one to work. We're to go to the mountains this weekend for Decoration Sunday at the church I grew up in....In 30 years, I've never ever missed. I DO NOT want to miss this year. But, it's 3 hours away (which means between 3-4 stretch stops).
I did buy the flowers tonight to make an arrangement for Daddy's grave. Still need to figure out what to do for Grandma & Grandpa's; Grandma & Grandpa Great; and Aunt D & Uncle P....those are the most special of folks in my life and they are all buried there.
And - part of me is dreading Decoration b/c last year one of my two bestest buddies from growing up (read here, friend since before Kindergarten, all through HS and College, was bridesmaid in my wedding) snubbed me completely. We've not really talked since she moved back home about 3 years ago. I miss her friendship, and have no clue what I did wrong. So, I dread seeing her this year and it being awkward. And, the middle of the cemetery is not the place to do anything that would cause me to get over emotional (just being there puts me in tears)...so I'm just not sure what to do about that!
Never a dull moment, lemme' tell ya!
Showing posts with label backpain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label backpain. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Diary Post
I have to put some words to what I'm dealing with...so be warned this ain't light & fluffy. I'm just letting my fingers type what my mind and heart are saying....it's moments like this I wish blogger had a "diary" feature where I could just record things for me, without necessarily sharing them with the world (not that I don't appreciate the support and comfort and laughs I get from blogger). So, this is one of those diary posts....really ment for just me, but shared with the world.
So, it's official (at least according to my physical therapist) that the last injection didn't work...and I've just gotta vent a little.
This leads me to being a lot of things...
MAD - mad that my body isn't healing like it should.
SAD - sad that I can't do the things I want to do at the moment.
ANGRY - angry that I've done everything the doctor's have said and it hasn't worked.
DEPRESSED - depressed that I'm not living the life I want to at the moment.
SCARED - scared of what the next steps may be...
DISAPPOINTED - disappointed that I'm not making forward movement on a couple of things that are becoming increasingly important to me....like getting in shape.
I NEVER would have guessed when I went to the doctor on May 5th that I'd still be hurting so bad two months later (and about 3 months total). My days are spent walking around hooked up to a TENS unit. Lots of time with ice on my back. Restless/sleepless nights because of waking up when my pain meds wear off in the middle of the night.
Puttin' into words what's going on...
I'm dealing with spinal stenosis (most likely genetic...), moderate spinal arthritis, 3 bulging disk (1 not so bad, the other two with small tears), extremely painful sciatica and my facet joints are much smaller than they are supposed to be. I've now had 3 epidural steroid injections, 1 directly in the spinal canal and 2 facet injections. What I'm not doing - googling everything to find out what it means and reading tons of message boards. I think that'll just scare me worse and my doctor is doing a really good job of explaining and sharing information.
God only knows what He's trying to teach me through this experience. I know there is a lesson here somewhere....I'm struggling to remember that He is in control and that He knows where this will lead....
~~~~~~
Oh Lord, you are my rock and salvation. Help me remember that You know the results of any and all challenges and difficulties I may be facing before I ever encounter them. You give me obstacles to learn to lean on You more readily and to trust more deeply. Please blanket me in the comfort of your Holy Spirit during this time.
I pray that you give the doctors knowledge to know the best course of action to take. Lord, I ask you for patience in this, and all things. You are the ultimate physician and healer. Please allow this, and all things, to work for Your glory and according to Your will.
In Jesus' name I pray...amen.
So, it's official (at least according to my physical therapist) that the last injection didn't work...and I've just gotta vent a little.
This leads me to being a lot of things...
MAD - mad that my body isn't healing like it should.
SAD - sad that I can't do the things I want to do at the moment.
ANGRY - angry that I've done everything the doctor's have said and it hasn't worked.
DEPRESSED - depressed that I'm not living the life I want to at the moment.
SCARED - scared of what the next steps may be...
DISAPPOINTED - disappointed that I'm not making forward movement on a couple of things that are becoming increasingly important to me....like getting in shape.
I NEVER would have guessed when I went to the doctor on May 5th that I'd still be hurting so bad two months later (and about 3 months total). My days are spent walking around hooked up to a TENS unit. Lots of time with ice on my back. Restless/sleepless nights because of waking up when my pain meds wear off in the middle of the night.
Puttin' into words what's going on...
I'm dealing with spinal stenosis (most likely genetic...), moderate spinal arthritis, 3 bulging disk (1 not so bad, the other two with small tears), extremely painful sciatica and my facet joints are much smaller than they are supposed to be. I've now had 3 epidural steroid injections, 1 directly in the spinal canal and 2 facet injections. What I'm not doing - googling everything to find out what it means and reading tons of message boards. I think that'll just scare me worse and my doctor is doing a really good job of explaining and sharing information.
God only knows what He's trying to teach me through this experience. I know there is a lesson here somewhere....I'm struggling to remember that He is in control and that He knows where this will lead....
~~~~~~
Oh Lord, you are my rock and salvation. Help me remember that You know the results of any and all challenges and difficulties I may be facing before I ever encounter them. You give me obstacles to learn to lean on You more readily and to trust more deeply. Please blanket me in the comfort of your Holy Spirit during this time.
I pray that you give the doctors knowledge to know the best course of action to take. Lord, I ask you for patience in this, and all things. You are the ultimate physician and healer. Please allow this, and all things, to work for Your glory and according to Your will.
In Jesus' name I pray...amen.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Aloha!
A year ago, I was in Hawaii on a business trip (and accompanied by my mom & grandmother) and with a couple of days tacked onto the trip, we had a great time exploring the Big Island and made memories that I will carry with my the rest of my life. Here are a few pictures from our trip...
My sweet Grandma!
Beautimous Beaches
Natural Wonders
Amazing Flowers
& a Preppy Bumpkin!
My sweet Grandma!
Beautimous Beaches
Natural Wonders
Amazing Flowers
& a Preppy Bumpkin!Yay happy memories!!
~~~~~
And, thanks to all y'all for your sweet messages. Saw the doctor again today and have another spinal injection on Thursday. Good news is I have some answers, bad news is they ain't that great. So, I'm not sure which "Gone with the Wind" character to quote ... Rhett or Scarlett!
But, I know who the Great Healer is, and I'm spending time with Him -- he knows how it's all going to turn out in the end!
~~~~~
And, thanks to all y'all for your sweet messages. Saw the doctor again today and have another spinal injection on Thursday. Good news is I have some answers, bad news is they ain't that great. So, I'm not sure which "Gone with the Wind" character to quote ... Rhett or Scarlett!
But, I know who the Great Healer is, and I'm spending time with Him -- he knows how it's all going to turn out in the end!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Lawdy Mercy...
We're having a bit of gender-role reversal at the Bumpkin house tonight.....Hubby K is unloading/loading the dishwasher while I watch my Red Soxs play (don't hate -- they wear hats with big ol' B's on them....that in itself is enough to make me a fan) with my wireless internet that wants to go in and out (MAJOR headache!!)
This has been another week of dealing with my pesky back issues...
BLAH BLAH BLAH -- I'm coming back and editing because I laid out a bunch of mess and y'all don't really want to or need to hear it....so here's the reader's digest version:
let's suffice to say that it's been a week full of really bad pain that capped off today with another trip to the doctor because I was having awful awful pain that turned out to be muscle spasms (you can literally feel them if you put your hand on my back).
So, after we get the pain under control, it's potentially another steroid injection (for the first time, he mentioned that it can be a series of 3 shots) and probably PT. And, that if I don't let this heal and take care of me, it could be a MAJOR surgery (and at 30, I'm not accepting that option).
Changing is always easier said than done.... I've got 30 years of bad habits drilled into me. And a tomboy attitude that says I can and WILL do whatever it takes to do whatever needs done. Add to that a stubborn nature and brut strength and it's a bad combination. (There are a zillion illustrations to this -- let's just say I've toted and carried just as much as any man you've met for my whole life and if you dare tell me I can't or shouldn't carry or move something, I'd do it just to prove you wrong). Don't judge -- we all have issues. One of mine just happens to be that I'm bumpkin enough to think I'm as strong as a man, and preppy enough to try to do it in heels.
Final pout..... we have a Board meeting for work at one of my very favorite places about an hour from the mountains tomorrow. It's at a fun place with fun people. Instead, I'll be working from home and poppin' pills. Not fair!!
This has been another week of dealing with my pesky back issues...
BLAH BLAH BLAH -- I'm coming back and editing because I laid out a bunch of mess and y'all don't really want to or need to hear it....so here's the reader's digest version:
let's suffice to say that it's been a week full of really bad pain that capped off today with another trip to the doctor because I was having awful awful pain that turned out to be muscle spasms (you can literally feel them if you put your hand on my back).
So, after we get the pain under control, it's potentially another steroid injection (for the first time, he mentioned that it can be a series of 3 shots) and probably PT. And, that if I don't let this heal and take care of me, it could be a MAJOR surgery (and at 30, I'm not accepting that option).
Changing is always easier said than done.... I've got 30 years of bad habits drilled into me. And a tomboy attitude that says I can and WILL do whatever it takes to do whatever needs done. Add to that a stubborn nature and brut strength and it's a bad combination. (There are a zillion illustrations to this -- let's just say I've toted and carried just as much as any man you've met for my whole life and if you dare tell me I can't or shouldn't carry or move something, I'd do it just to prove you wrong). Don't judge -- we all have issues. One of mine just happens to be that I'm bumpkin enough to think I'm as strong as a man, and preppy enough to try to do it in heels.
Final pout..... we have a Board meeting for work at one of my very favorite places about an hour from the mountains tomorrow. It's at a fun place with fun people. Instead, I'll be working from home and poppin' pills. Not fair!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Let's Go Canes!!
So...watching the hometown boys (amazing how all of us here in the RDU area have learned to LOVE hockey when 10 years ago we thought it was a *Yankee* thing (no offense!) I still remember going with some college friends to Greensboro to see a game the first season in nosebleed cheap student seats -- and then again as a sorority mixer with FarmHouse when screaming "PUCK IT" at the top of our (ok...my) lungs seemed like a good idea. I totally digressed,have an incomplete sentence in the first line (but I'm not going to fix it...I'm a rouge like that) and thought I'd do a little bloggy update while waiting for the muscle relaxers and vicodin to knock me out (which it DIDN'T do last night....2 hours of beauty sleep is not enough for this chick-a-dee!).
Life has pretty much turned into go to work, bust it 6 hours...start feeling like crap by about hour 3 and pushing through the next 3 to make it home, take a hot bath to try to relax these crazy muscles in my back/leg/foot that are going crazy -- throw together *SOMETHING* for dinner..take drugs,and hopefully pass out. Not.Fun. Not fun at all... I'm now waiting for the MRI folks to call and schedule after taking a full week to get pre-approved for the stupid thing to start with...then, I can't see the spine specialist again until next Thursday to see if it is/isn't a herniated disk and if I will/will not need surgery (which is probably good since I have 3 grants to submit before then and the program staff hasn't gotten me ANY of the project materials yet). I know I'm just venting and making no sense....so please accept my apologies if you're reading this. Y'all - patience is so NOT my virtue!
I've been an awful friend as of late -- so please be patient with me! Right now I'm concentrating (struggling) just to get through the day to day. I'm sounding hateful and whiny...I think it's the drugs talking.
Miss USCEmily gave me a blog award (she's so sweet!), and I'll pass it along soon. Didn't go to WW again for the 2nd week in a row (SHAME on me...but I thought a hot bath trumped today -- I didn't take one yesterday and K thinks that's why I couldn't sleep.) Since I'm being so random and crazy with my thoughts tonight....I'm going to do this A-Z thing for my waiting-for-the-drugs-to-kick-in moment...
A - Age: 30 (still struggling to accept this)
B - Bed size: Queen -- and it is the most comfortable pillow-top in the WORLD
C - Chore you hate: vacuuming the stairs
D - Dog's names: Case (our just over 1 year old Black Lab!
E - Essential start your day item: Hearing the weather & news before getting out of bed (LAME)
F - Favorite color: If it's a game day, RED....otherwise, pink
G - Gold or Silver: Silver
H - Height: 5'6"
I - Instruments you play: once upon a time, B's Momma MADE her play piano & practice for 30 minutes EVERY day....those evil memories have been suppressed. Oh yeah, there was that 1-year gig playing clarinet. Nothing has been retained except how to read music.
J - Job title: Director of Development...yada yada yada It's 2 parts, with 2 titles -- mucho confusing
K - Kid(s): Case for the moment
L - Living arrangements: With Hubby in the house I took over on Sept. 10th, 2005
M - Mom's name: Deborah
N - Nicknames: Bethie, Bethie-Boo, Bef,and Pooh Bear growing up
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: hmmm...I fell down the basement stairs head first at age 5; had an awful stomach flu at 6 that hospitalized me for a week (my first ever exposure to cable TV); 5 others (EDITED b/c it was just way TMI) AND I promised after that, NO MORE UNTIL BABIES!!
P - Pet Peeve: False sincerity
Q - Quote from a movie: "Just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid"~ Sweet Home Alabama
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: My Sis-Boom-Bah Lou Lou!
T - Time you wake up: somewhere in the neighborhood of 6:45...when all is *normal* again, it will be earlier.
U- First word that comes to your mind for "U": Uber
V - Vegetable you dislike: Brussel sprouts *ick*
W - Ways you run late: if I knew...I wouldn't be late!!
X - X-rays you've had: ok - not going to laundry list these...it's a LOT.
Y - Yummy food you make: my super secret pork chops!
Z - Zoo favorites: monkeys, polar bears, people
Life has pretty much turned into go to work, bust it 6 hours...start feeling like crap by about hour 3 and pushing through the next 3 to make it home, take a hot bath to try to relax these crazy muscles in my back/leg/foot that are going crazy -- throw together *SOMETHING* for dinner..take drugs,and hopefully pass out. Not.Fun. Not fun at all... I'm now waiting for the MRI folks to call and schedule after taking a full week to get pre-approved for the stupid thing to start with...then, I can't see the spine specialist again until next Thursday to see if it is/isn't a herniated disk and if I will/will not need surgery (which is probably good since I have 3 grants to submit before then and the program staff hasn't gotten me ANY of the project materials yet). I know I'm just venting and making no sense....so please accept my apologies if you're reading this. Y'all - patience is so NOT my virtue!
I've been an awful friend as of late -- so please be patient with me! Right now I'm concentrating (struggling) just to get through the day to day. I'm sounding hateful and whiny...I think it's the drugs talking.
Miss USCEmily gave me a blog award (she's so sweet!), and I'll pass it along soon. Didn't go to WW again for the 2nd week in a row (SHAME on me...but I thought a hot bath trumped today -- I didn't take one yesterday and K thinks that's why I couldn't sleep.) Since I'm being so random and crazy with my thoughts tonight....I'm going to do this A-Z thing for my waiting-for-the-drugs-to-kick-in moment...
A - Age: 30 (still struggling to accept this)
B - Bed size: Queen -- and it is the most comfortable pillow-top in the WORLD
C - Chore you hate: vacuuming the stairs
D - Dog's names: Case (our just over 1 year old Black Lab!
E - Essential start your day item: Hearing the weather & news before getting out of bed (LAME)
F - Favorite color: If it's a game day, RED....otherwise, pink
G - Gold or Silver: Silver
H - Height: 5'6"
I - Instruments you play: once upon a time, B's Momma MADE her play piano & practice for 30 minutes EVERY day....those evil memories have been suppressed. Oh yeah, there was that 1-year gig playing clarinet. Nothing has been retained except how to read music.
J - Job title: Director of Development...yada yada yada It's 2 parts, with 2 titles -- mucho confusing
K - Kid(s): Case for the moment
L - Living arrangements: With Hubby in the house I took over on Sept. 10th, 2005
M - Mom's name: Deborah
N - Nicknames: Bethie, Bethie-Boo, Bef,and Pooh Bear growing up
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: hmmm...I fell down the basement stairs head first at age 5; had an awful stomach flu at 6 that hospitalized me for a week (my first ever exposure to cable TV); 5 others (EDITED b/c it was just way TMI) AND I promised after that, NO MORE UNTIL BABIES!!
P - Pet Peeve: False sincerity
Q - Quote from a movie: "Just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid"~ Sweet Home Alabama
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: My Sis-Boom-Bah Lou Lou!
T - Time you wake up: somewhere in the neighborhood of 6:45...when all is *normal* again, it will be earlier.
U- First word that comes to your mind for "U": Uber
V - Vegetable you dislike: Brussel sprouts *ick*
W - Ways you run late: if I knew...I wouldn't be late!!
X - X-rays you've had: ok - not going to laundry list these...it's a LOT.
Y - Yummy food you make: my super secret pork chops!
Z - Zoo favorites: monkeys, polar bears, people
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